i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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