Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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