If i come over, it means nothing
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
