Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
