Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
