I need to stop coming to work sober
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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