It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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