So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
