I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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