youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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