i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he fucked my hip out of place.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
