here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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