And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
