god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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