I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
