i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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