What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize