I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
