i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
