Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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