Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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