Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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