everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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