nut hugger
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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