just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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