your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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