textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
