how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
