Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
