im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
