if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
of course. lets lasso hookers.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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