Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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