My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
