And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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