so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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