My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize