Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
