So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
