I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize