but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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