Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
