RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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