Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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