I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
