She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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