he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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