so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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