Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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