i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
