Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
