Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
