think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
