found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize