I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
