do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
