Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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