somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
