why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
