speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
