I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize