did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
