She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
