i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize