mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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