I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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