At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
