I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Small penises have feelings too.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
